Lesson 19: Man and Woman — God's Design

Introduction

In the previous lessons we have learned much about who God is, what Jesus Christ has done for us, how we may live by the Spirit, and what God's law means for us. Now we come to a subject that is under enormous pressure in our time: God's design for man and woman. The world around us has its own ideas about gender, marriage and sexuality. But as disciples of Jesus Christ there is only one voice that counts — and that is the voice of our Creator.

This subject is not intended to condemn people. On the contrary: God's design is good, beautiful and liberating! When we understand how God has made man and woman and for what purpose, we discover that His plan is full of love, wisdom and blessing. Let us dive together into His Word.

Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. My soul knows that very well.

1. God created man and woman

The very first thing we must understand is this: God Himself has created man and woman. It is not a coincidence, not an evolutionary accident, not a social construct. It is a deliberate, loving design of the almighty Creator. In the very first chapter of God's Word we read:

Genesis 1:27 God created man in his own image. In God's image he created him; male and female he created them.

God created the human being as man and as woman — two genders, no more and no less. Both are created in the image of God. That means that both the man and the woman reflect the dignity and the glory of God. There is no question of one being worth more than the other. Both bear God's image. Both are loved. Both are wanted.

But God did not create them identical. He made them different — and those differences are beautiful and intentional. Let us read how God created the woman:

Genesis 2:18 Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Genesis 2:21-23 Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall on the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. He made the rib, which Yahweh God had taken from the man, into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of Man.”

What a beautiful image! God took the woman from the side of the man — not from his head, to rule over him, and not from his foot, to be trampled by him, but from his side, to stand beside him. The woman is the crown of God's creation. Adam was complete only when Eve was there.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh.

This verse is the foundation of marriage. Jesus Himself cites this verse (Matthew 19:5) and so does Paul (Ephesians 5:31). Marriage was not invented by people, by churches or by governments. Marriage is an institution of God Himself, from the very beginning.

In this one verse we see three elements of marriage: (1) leaving — the man leaves his father and mother, there is a conscious choice to form a new family; (2) joining — the man joins with his wife, there is a covenant relationship of faithfulness and dedication; (3) becoming one flesh — man and woman become one unity, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This is God's design, and it is good.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him who is alone when he falls, and doesn't have another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth; but how can one keep warm alone? If a man prevails against one who is alone, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

The threefold cord — man, woman and God. When God is the center of a marriage, the cord is not quickly broken. Man and woman together, with God in their midst, are a powerful team that can withstand the storms of life.

2. Marriage as image of Christ and the church

Marriage is not just a human arrangement or a legal contract. It is a holy covenant that reveals something of the relationship between Christ and His church. Paul unfolds this great mystery in his letter to the Ephesians:

Ephesians 5:22-25 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body. But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it,

Ephesians 5:26-28 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without defect. Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.

Ephesians 5:31-33 “For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh.” This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Do you understand how high God sets the bar for the man? The husband must love his wife as Christ loved the church. Christ gave His life! That is not dominion from power or ego, but servant leadership from self-sacrificial love. A man who loves his wife as Christ does will never abuse his position.

3. The man as head

The word “head” often raises resistance in our culture. People think of oppression, of abuse of power, of inequality. But that is not what God's Word means. Let us look at what God's Word truly says:

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.

Here we see a beautiful order: God — Christ — man — woman. Notice: Christ is subject to God the Father, but does that make Him less than the Father? Absolutely not! Jesus is fully God, equal to the Father in essence and dignity. Yet He voluntarily submits Himself to the Father. So it is also in marriage: the wife is completely equal to the husband, but there is a difference in role and responsibility.

Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body.

The headship of the man is no license to rule. It is a calling to serve, to protect, to provide and to give spiritual leadership. A good head does not think of himself, but of the well-being of the one entrusted to him. Jesus washed the feet of His disciples (John 13:5). That is the model for male leadership.

4. The woman as helper

The word “helper” (Hebrew: ezer) in Genesis 2:18 is not an inferior word. The same word is also used in God's Word for God Himself! In Psalm 121:2 it says: “My help comes from Yahweh.” If God Himself is called a “help,” then this word is absolutely no degradation.

Genesis 2:18 Yahweh God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

The woman was created as a helper comparable to the man — literally “as his counterpart,” someone who complements, completes and strengthens him. Without the woman, the man is incomplete. God Himself said that it was “not good” that man was alone. The woman is God's answer to that lack.

In Proverbs 31 we find a beautiful portrait of a virtuous woman. This is not an oppressed woman, but a strong, wise, enterprising and God-fearing woman:

Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a worthy woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusts in her. He shall have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31:25-27 Strength and dignity are her clothing. She laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom. Kind instruction is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and doesn't eat the bread of idleness.

Proverbs 31:30-31 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands! Let her works praise her in the gates!

This woman is anything but weak or passive. She is a woman of faith, wisdom and strength. She is a blessing to her husband, her children and her environment. This is the biblical ideal: a woman who fears God and orders her life from that fear.

In the New Testament we also see beautiful examples of God-fearing women. Think of Mary, the mother of Jesus, who said: “Behold, the servant of the Lord; let it be done to me according to your word” (Luke 1:38). Think of Mary Magdalene, the first witness of the resurrection. Think of Priscilla, who together with her husband Aquila served churches. Think of Phoebe, who was a servant of the church. Women have always played a crucial role in God's Kingdom.

Proverbs 31:17-20 She arms her waist with strength, and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp doesn't go out by night. She lays her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her arms to the poor; yes, she extends her hands to the needy.

The virtuous woman is strong, enterprising, generous and merciful. She cares not only for her own household, but also extends her hands to the poor and the needy. This is a woman who lives from the strength of God and is a blessing to everyone around her.

5. Love and respect

In Ephesians 5, Paul gives husband and wife each a specific instruction. To the husband: love. To the wife: respect. This is no arbitrary choice — God knows His creation. Men have a deep inner need for respect and appreciation. Women have a deep inner need for love and security. God addresses each one at exactly the point where the other most longs for it.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it,

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Love and respect together form a holy circle. When the husband loves his wife with self-sacrificial love, it becomes a joy for the wife to respect him. When the wife respects and honors her husband, it becomes a joy for the husband to love her. So love and respect reinforce each other. When this circle is broken — when the husband stops loving or the wife stops respecting — the marriage begins to suffer.

In practice, love for the husband means: listening to your wife, spending time with her, protecting her, caring for her, placing her interests above your own, comforting her in sorrow, encouraging her in difficult times, and helping her grow in her relationship with God. In practice, respect for the wife means: honoring your husband in your words (also when he is not present), supporting his leadership, trusting him, encouraging him, not publicly criticizing or belittling him, and listening to him with an open heart.

Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and don't be bitter against them.

Paul specifically warns men against bitterness. Bitterness is the poison that destroys a marriage. A man who is bitter against his wife — who criticizes, ignores or belittles her — is not the head God has in mind. A man after God's heart is a man who cherishes, protects and builds up his wife.

6. Submission in love, not oppression

The word “submission” has almost become a dirty word in our time. But in God's Word it is a word full of beauty. The Greek word hupotasso literally means “to place yourself voluntarily under order.” It is not a forced subjection, but a voluntary choice from love and trust.

Notice: Ephesians 5:21 precedes the instructions for husband and wife, and there it says:

Ephesians 5:21 subjecting yourselves one to another in the fear of Christ.

So there is mutual submission! Husband and wife serve each other. The husband serves his wife through self-sacrificial love. The wife serves her husband through voluntary respect and trust. This is not a one-way street.

1 Peter 3:1-2 In like manner, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; so that, even if any don't obey the Word, they may be won by the behavior of their wives without a word, seeing your pure behavior in fear.

1 Peter 3:7 You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel, as being also joint heirs of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Peter is very clear here: a man who does not honor his wife will find that his prayers are hindered! God stands up for the wife. He does not tolerate abuse of headship. The husband must live with his wife with knowledge and honor, knowing that she is a joint heir of the same grace.

7. Sexual purity

God created sexuality as a beautiful gift, intended for one context: marriage between a man and a woman. Outside of that context, sexuality is harmful and sinful. That is not a narrow-minded rule, but a loving protection from God.

Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 For this is the will of God: your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in sanctification and honor, not in the passion of lust, even as the Gentiles who don't know God.

In a world that is oversexualized, we as believers are called to live differently. Sex before marriage, adultery, pornography, and every form of sexual immorality stand opposed to God's will. But God's Word is not only a prohibition — it is also a promise. Within marriage, sexual intimacy is a beautiful, God-blessed gift.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee sexual immorality! “Every sin that a man does is outside the body,” but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don't you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit! That changes everything. You are not your own — you are bought and paid for with the blood of Christ. Therefore we may not abuse our body, but must glorify God with it.

8. Jesus on divorce

In Jesus' time, divorce was a hot topic, just as it is now. The Pharisees came to Jesus with a trick question. Read His answer:

Matthew 19:3-6 Pharisees came to him, testing him, and saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?” He answered, “Haven't you read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, don't let man tear apart.”

Matthew 19:7-9 They asked him, “Why then did Moses command us to give her a certificate of divorce, and divorce her?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it has not been so. I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries her when she is divorced commits adultery.”

Jesus reaches back to God's original design. Divorce was never God's intention. It was permitted because of the hardness of the human heart, but it is not God's will. Only in the case of sexual immorality (fornication, adultery) does Jesus give room for divorce.

If you are divorced, I want to encourage you: God is a God of grace. He does not condemn you when you come to Him with sincere repentance. But the ideal remains: one man, one woman, for life. Let that be the goal toward which you strive.

Malachi 2:16a “For I hate divorce,” says Yahweh, the God of Israel.

9. The woman in the church

A subject that raises many questions is the role of women in the church. What does God's Word say about this? Let us look honestly and carefully at the texts:

1 Corinthians 14:34-35 Let the wives be quiet in the assemblies, for it has not been permitted for them to be talking except in submission, as the law also says, if they desire to learn anything. “Let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is shameful for a wife to be talking in the assembly.”

1 Timothy 2:11-14 Let a woman learn in quietness with all subjection. But I don't permit a woman to teach, nor to exercise authority over a man, but to be in quietness. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. Adam wasn't deceived, but the woman, being deceived, has fallen into disobedience.

These texts are clear: the leading teaching in the church is entrusted to men. This is not because women are less intelligent, less spiritual or less valuable. It is a matter of God's order of creation. Paul refers explicitly to the order of creation: Adam was made first, then Eve.

But does this mean that women may do nothing in the church? Absolutely not! Women played a crucial role in the early church. Think of Priscilla, who together with Aquila taught Apollos (Acts 18:26), of Phoebe who was a servant of the church in Cenchreae (Romans 16:1), of the women who prophesied (Acts 21:9). Women may pray, prophesy, serve, witness, teach children and equip other women (Titus 2:3-5). It is specifically about authoritative teaching to men in the church.

10. Equal in Christ

There is a verse that is sometimes wrongly used to wipe away all role distinctions. Let us read it in its context:

Galatians 3:26-28 For you are all children of God, through faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

This verse is about our position in Christ — our salvation, our status as children of God. Before the cross we are all equal. There is no difference in dignity, in access to God, in salvation or in inheritance. Man and woman are completely equal in Christ.

But equality is not the same as sameness in role. A general and a soldier are equal as citizens, but have different roles in the army. So man and woman are equal before God, but have different roles in marriage and in the church. This distinction is not oppressive — it is liberating, because it gives each one the freedom to function in what God has called him or her to.

11. Respecting God's order of creation

In a time when the world tries to erase the boundaries between man and woman, we as believers are called to respect and honor God's order of creation. God has made man and woman with unique qualities, gifts and callings. Those differences are not a mistake — they are a masterpiece.

Deuteronomy 22:5 A woman shall not wear men's clothing, neither shall a man put on women's clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to Yahweh your God.

God wants the distinction between man and woman to remain visible. That is not about specific clothing rules, but about the principle: God wants men to be masculine and women to be feminine. The confusion we see in our society about gender identity is not from God. God is not a God of confusion, but of order and peace (1 Corinthians 14:33).

1 Corinthians 14:33a For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace.

As a disciple of Jesus, you may embrace with joy and gratitude the gender with which God has created you. You are not a mistake. God deliberately and with love made you as a man or as a woman. Psalm 139 says it so powerfully: “I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God made you with a purpose, with a plan, with a calling that fits who He created you to be. Respecting God's order of creation is not restrictive — it is liberating. Because you find your true identity not in the opinions of the world, but in the Word of your Creator.

The man may embrace masculinity: leadership, protection, strength, initiative. Not in the sense of macho behavior or dominance, but in the sense of servant leadership as Jesus demonstrated it. The woman may embrace femininity: care, wisdom, beauty, strength in her own unique way. Not in the sense of weakness or passivity, but in the sense of the Proverbs 31 woman who wears “strength and dignity” as her clothing.

12. Sexuality and God's Word

We live in a time in which homosexuality, transgenderism and other forms of sexual identity are broadly accepted and even promoted. As Christians we are sometimes dismissed as hateful or narrow-minded if we hold fast to what God's Word says. But we must not be silent out of fear of the opinion of people. God's Word is clear:

Leviticus 18:22 “You shall not lie with a man as with a woman. That is detestable.”

Romans 1:26-27 For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions. For their women changed the natural function into that which is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural function of the woman, burned in their lust toward one another, men doing what is inappropriate with men, and receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error.

Paul calls homosexual behavior “against nature” — it goes against God's design of creation. This is not a culturally determined statement that we may set aside. It is rooted in God's order of creation as described in Genesis 1 and 2.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Or don't you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God's Kingdom? Don't be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor extortionists, will inherit God's Kingdom.

But — and this is crucial — read the following verse:

1 Corinthians 6:11 Some of you were such, but you were washed. But you were sanctified. But you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and in the Spirit of our God.

Our position as Christians is not hate. It is love. True love speaks the truth, even when that truth is unpopular. We reject the sin, but we embrace the sinner. Everyone who struggles with sexual desires that go against God's Word is welcome with Jesus. He does not condemn the one who comes to Him with a sincere heart. But He does call for repentance and a new life.

John 8:11 She said, “No one, Lord.” Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way. From now on, sin no more.”

Jesus did not condemn the adulterous woman, but He also said: “Sin no more.” Grace is no approval of sin. Grace is the power to become free from sin. That applies to every sin — whether adultery, homosexuality, pornography, greed or lies. With Jesus liberation is possible.

If you struggle with these things — or if you know someone who struggles with this — know that you are welcome with Jesus. He casts out no one who comes to Him. But He does call for repentance, for a new life, for leaving sin. And He gives the strength to do so. The Holy Spirit is stronger than every temptation, every habit, every addiction. Worldwide there are thousands of testimonies of people who through the power of God have been freed from homosexuality, from pornography addiction, from adultery. God can and will liberate.

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

The message of the gospel is not: “Change yourself and then come to God.” The message is: “Come to God as you are, and He will change you.” That is grace. That is the gospel. And it is for everyone — regardless of your past, your struggle or your sin.

Bible verses to memorize

Memorize the following three texts. Write them down, carry them with you, and repeat them regularly: